Resolving Interpersonal Conflict
(Post #2)
Actually I have had real a problem with my friend who is my college
in our university.
Two weeks ago, we had been to Malaysia and there we had some
conflicts each other. When my friend went out, I saw his cell phone. After
that, I just uploaded some contents to his facebook page for fun. But contents are
not serious and I think that contexts are fine to him. My intention is making
some fun or memorable experiences during our vacation. But after that he said
to me “what are you doing? Are you crazy?” and he was very upset. At first, I was
very embarrassed and felt sorry to him. So I said “hey, ooo I am so sorry… I just
do it for fun… because of my mischief, I break our good feeling, so sorry” but
he kept going blame to me in spite of my apologized.
Actually I know that it was my fault but his attend makes me angry. So
after that, I lost my mind and also blame to him. “it is kidding and I apologize
to you but why you are oversensitive?!” After, travel was terrible and our
relationship was also awkward.
Of course, our friendship is very good in these days but at that
time, our conflict is very serious and dangerous.
In this situation, what is
the key point? I think me and my friend have each problems. First, in my case,
anyway that conflict was outbreak by me. So I had to more polite. But, I couldn’t
control my mind so it was my fault. And my friend’s problem was that ignoring
my apologized. Frankly speaking, my friend did this kind of mischief before me.
So absolutely we can understand our situation. But he also couldn’t control his
angry at that time.
Anyway as time goes by, we knew
problems and through a lot of communication which is based on understanding
each other, we can resolve our conflict and we swear that we will not do this
kind of mistake ant more.
If you guys have same experience, how do you deal with that kind of
problem???
Hi Yujin!
ReplyDeleteSo now I have to be careful when I leave my phone around you. Noted. Haha. Firstly, is facejack (uploading or posting something using other person's account) something common in Korea?
I had exactly the same experience when I was in high school. Fortunately my friend didn't really blame me. But if I were you, I would apologize and post a Facebook status to clarify that the posts were yours and you didn't mean to harm his reputation. I would also suggest him to delete the posts. If he is still upset, I will surrender my phone and let him make a revenge to show my sincere regret. :)
Hi Yu Jin!
ReplyDeleteI guess we tend to prank on our friends, but at times, we may go overboard. I feel that there may be a few reasons why he over-reacted to your pranks. Firstly, he might not have been in a good mood at that point in time. Secondly, you did mention that the contents appeared fine to you. What if the contents really did hurt him? Perhaps that was what caused him to over-react.
I feel that you did the right thing in apologizing, even though he did not forgive you immediately. However, instead of flaring up when he did not accept your apologies, a better way might be to leave him alone. You could have tried speaking to him again the next day. I am sure being such good friends, he would be more willing to hear you out after he has cooled down.
PS: A few grammatical errors:
1) Actually I have had real a problem with my friend who is my college in our university. Two weeks ago, we had been to Malaysia and there we had some conflicts each other. --> Actually, I had a real problem with my friend with is my colleague in our university (I think you meant colleague?). Two weeks ago, we were in Malaysia and there, we had some conflicts with each other.
3) Actually I know that it was my fault but his attend makes me angry --> I know that it was my fault, but his reaction made me angry (I am not too sure, but is this what you mean?)
4) Of course, our friendship is very good in these days but at that time, our conflict is very serious and dangerous --> Of course, our friendship is very good in these days, but at that time, our conflict was very serious and dangerous.
5) I think me and my friend have each problems. First, in my case, anyway that conflict was outbreak by me --> I think my friend and I each have our own problems. In this case, the conflict broke out because of me.
6) And my friend’s problem was that ignoring my apologized. Frankly speaking, my friend did this kind of mischief before me. So absolutely we can understand our situation. But he also couldn’t control his angry at that time --> And my friend's problem was that he ignored my apologies. Frankly speaking, my friend did this kind of mischief on before me. So, we can absolutely understand our situation. But he also couldn’t control his anger at that time.
Hi Yujin,
ReplyDeleteI guess guys being guys, they like to “sabotage” their friends in good fun, and that is normal. Since he had done this to you before, I would think that it is alright for you to do the same to him, like tit-for-tat. When he did it to you, were you also very upset?
I believe that in this situation, there is nothing much you can do except to apologise sincerely. However, if your friend wants you to apologise profusely and beg on your knees for his forgiveness, I feel that it is very unreasonable of him. I would also then quickly delete those photos that you posted, so as to limit the number of people who saw them. It is good that you and your friend have forgiven and put that incident past you guys. Another thing, is to self-reflect and remember not to make the same mistake again, like what you are doing. I feel that you handled this conflict with your friend quite well. :)
Hi Yu Jin,
ReplyDeleteI guess it is only a natural reaction that we get hot-headed in such situations, and that you should not feel so bad. I can tell that you treasure this friendship a lot, from what you did after the mischief.
I believe everyone has a different level of tolerance and sensitivity, so we should not use our own judgement to compare with others. At times like this, it is appropriate to take the first step to apologise to your friend. As he/she may be feeling quite upset, it is natural for him/her to not respond nicely. While this is unacceptable, I guess we should just give him/her some time too cool down. A conversation between two hot-headed people will not get you anywhere, so perhaps you should give each other some time to cool down.
You should also delete the content that you have uploaded, or leave a comment over there to express your guilt. While facebook is a popular medium for sharing such moments, there is a limit on how you should use it.
I am glad that your friendship with that friend have strengthened over this event.
-Jie Wei
Hi Yu Jin,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I want to analyze your post. I think that your English is good, you have to be more confident in it. Nevertheless, I think you can improve your presentation.For example, if you skip one line between the paragraphs, I think it will be more clear. In one glance we see immediately the structure of your post and your communication will be more effective.
Your story is really common especially in France. We call that Facejacking. I have already "facejacked" and I have been "facejacked".
I think that the reaction depends on the person and on the message that you write on Facebook. I have already seen really bad and vulgar Facejacking and in this case I can understand that the victim is annoyed. When I have done that I tried to be funny but I was really careful to don't harm my friend.
I think that you have got the good reaction, apologizing was the good thing, you cannot really do anything else. Moreover, if you had a discussion about that with your friend, now you know how to act.
Finally, it could be a good thing for him too because you talked about his oversensitivity. Maybe he will reflect about this point and he will improve his EQ skills !
hey ~! Maxim !!
Deleteyou always give me confidence~!
when I get some feedback to you,I can think positively about mine.
And, also I agree with your opinion.
If I separate each paragraphs, and then it is better to see.
(I think your structure is very good to see, so I will do that~!)
anyway thank you for your feedback, I learned more!!! ^^
have a good day Maxim~!
Hello Yujin
ReplyDeleteI agree with Maxime, you may need to watch out for paragraph partition to make your content more clear. Moreover, I think the word "so" is not an appropriate word to start a sentence, it functions more like a connector.
Back to the facebook hijacking, it is quite common among my friends. As a result, we are even able to notice whose facebook account is being hijacked by others. As we have been all very familiar with the style and tone that each person would write for their own post.
However, it really depends on how close is your relationship with your friend. Some new friends may be offended by this action, because we all have some sorts of personal rules. Some people have strict rules, some do not. It also depends on a person's personality. Perhaps, you friend is a serious one?
Nevertheless, we always tend to make a mistake thinking that people are all similar to each other, unfortunately, it is not the case. We do need to implement different social skills,do things differently on different people. Human beings are just so complicated.
Interesting. I guess the key here is that different people have various expectations. Obviously, your friend, like most people, found it shocking that you would upload extraneous content to his facebook page. You apparently understood his anger, but you felt that he reacted too much to the joke.
ReplyDeleteYou two resolved the issue and are still friends, right? But you now want feedback on how to avoid such problems. Isn't the answer obvious, Yujn?